It’s not working. None of it is working. You watch tv and see people getting help, they go to their doctors or their friends or a professional and they get their life back on track. Mine is not.
I’m sitting at work right now, which is my own business so this doesn’t really count as slacking off, wondering why?
Why everything because I don’t have the energy to separate out all the little things that are driving me nuts.
Like why, after me wanting to move a year ago are we only now moving?
And why did it take so much effort just to make the decision to move?
And why can’t I meet the good people in the world?
Why do I have to trust the wrong people?
So, let me give you the story since you have loyally listened thus far to the rambling.
My partner and I took a job 4, perhaps close to 5, years ago co-managing a holiday park. I had two half day’s training then I jumped in head first running the office side of things.
My partner took a location which was run down, I mean even the lawn was going wild it took him days just to work out where the grass should have ended and the road should have started and put a nice edge between the two.
We worked. Boy did we work. I, without question, did 10 hour office days, no breaks, no lunch, and then when the office closed I went out to cabins to clean and check that they were properly stocked or strip them. Then after that I spent time in the laundry making sure everything was washed etc. And I LOVED it.
We both did. We stayed up until midnight doing paperwork and painting and redesigning etc.
We won silver awards in our first year.
Our poor puppies, they weren’t walked for weeks at a time – and I regret that.
My daughter suffered, we had no time for sporting or school events – and I regret that the most.
But we were achieving so much. Until one day I took on a staff member who simply did not want to work. Rather then politely resign she made life hell behind my back and soon I was being micromanaged by the property owner.
One day I sat down and did the maths. We were earning less than $5 an hour. We simply couldn’t continue like that and with our son on the way we needed to rethink our priorities.
Somehow, in amongst all of this, we thought we were being good employees, doing the best possible job, and that we were valued but what we were really being was cheap doormats.
Up until last week I, completely unpaid, would check in and answer the door to guests after hours. Dinner would burn, the kids would be waiting for bedtime, and I would be serving strangers with no benefit to myself. Why?
Why did I trust the boss? Why did I look up to him and value his opinion when all he has done is walk all over us?
Why can’t I be one of those people who could say this to him and get a good result?
I am not one of those people. I would love to speak with the man, but it would come out all wrong and my partner, who now solo manages the park, would feel the aftermath.
I watch as other staff members steal and lie and cheat and stand around being a chimney and getting paid for it whilst my partner sacrifices his day’s off to catch up on work because we simply will not check a customer in to our holiday park knowing we could do better. We, personally, can not work any harder. Though of course the place is not perfect because staff and resources are also not perfect… here I am rambling again.
So I decided to move out. A difficult decision. But at least then the kids would have a real home, and not be worried about strangers letting themselves into the house or people outside their windows at midnight etc. And I would not be working for free for someone who doesn’t value me.
Then two days ago the boss comes around and has a go at my partner. Telling him that he doesn’t care what domestic issues he’s having he needs to lift his game.
Jaw dropping moment. What domestic issues! We have employment issues.
And more importantly what now?
How can I meet people worth knowing? Find employment with a boss worth working for? How do I know who is worth trusting?